Baggage Check: My Husband Has Become a Slob

Got issues? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

My husband takes awful care of his health. He's taken up smoking again after quitting two years ago. He doesn't exercise much and eats fast food multiple times a day. He has high cholesterol and blood pressure, but he does nothing. I've threatened him and tried to make him see that his slovenliness and laziness will kill him.
— ANNOYED IN VA

REALLY? WHEN I'M threatened and called a slob, I usually shape right up!

Your husband probably feels a lot worse than you think. And the more miserable he is, the less hope he'll have that he can break this cycle. Now is not the time to knock him down — get out your spackle, because you need to build him up.

As his wife, there are ways you can help at home. Go to the supermarket together for healthful lunches and snack foods. Try to get him to take walks with you or, better yet, help him find some activity he'd be willing to try for just a few minutes at a time (anything from ballroom dancing to sparring with a Ryan Seacrest dummy). Encourage him to lower his daily cigarette intake by one cancer stick each week, and aid him in identifying something he can do with his hands and mouth as a substitute. (Gum? A rubber band around the wrist?)

Most importantly, tell your husband you're coming from a place of love. He's probably too overwhelmed to imagine revamping his whole lifestyle, and that's exactly why you need to start small, and by his side. There might be a major stressor in his life responsible for this backslide, and you've got to try to draw him out about that, as well — something you can do as comrade, but not as drill sergeant.

Lately I've been very jealous of my co-worker's success. We used to be good-enough friends, and I trusted her, but now I'm wondering if she's willing to stomp on others to get ahead. Though we're still sugary-sweet to each other, something has changed inside me. Am I just jealous?
— WORKING WOMAN

As any spurned 8th-grader can tell you, jealousy and lack of trust are fuel to each other's fires. If your coworker's sugary-sweet facade was the real deal (and perhaps gave way to a yummy Bavarian cream filling), then this might just be a case of green-with-envy disease.

It seems more telling, however, that you have suspicions that she's not on the up-and-up. This means more than just jealousy; perhaps you're also smarting from the sting of betrayal — making reveling in her success a very unlikely prospect. Try to get some space and focus on your own goals, to help yourself cool off, and also to get a little further away from the possible line of fire.

Send your mental health and emotional wellness questions to Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., at baggage@readexpress.com or submit them anonymously here. This column is not a substitute for one-on-one care.

Art by Eric Reece for Express