Baggage Check: With Friends Like These ...
Dr. Andrea Bonior dives into the world of psychology.
AS MANY PEOPLE who know me could tell you, I've always been pretty liberal with my definition of "friend." (That includes you, mixed-my-paint-at-Home Depot guy!)
I tend to enjoy connecting with people (I didn't enter this field for the joy of writing a dissertation), and wouldn't know what else to call those with whom I do, especially when we've talked about shared experiences or bumped into each other regularly.
I suppose there are possible drawbacks, though, like getting a call to post bail ("Who?"). And I imagine it might be an insult to my by-my-side-since-kindergarten maid of honor, for instance, that she shares the same moniker as my acquaintance's piano teacher's cousin. God help us if I ever get on MySpace, where my "friends" will no doubt expand to entire Belgian beer-pong teams.
So maybe there's something to be said for using a more selective approach. But here's what gets interesting: Perceived friendships — and connections with others — are actually very significant predictors of psychological well-being. They can help serve as a buffer against depression and anxiety, and improve recovery from trauma.
And yet there's evidence that as a nation — MySpace and all — we are identifying as having fewer and fewer friends. And though I doubt the dude who rung me up twice at the Container Store has a truly fundamental role in the status of my mental health, our perceptions of connections do matter.
So my question becomes, what's the threshold between friend and acquaintance? What does this particular F word mean to you?
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I choose to be more selective cuz I don't like superficial relationships, it does me no good to think someone is my friend if I can't count on them, ya know?
By Robin , Posted June 28, 2007 1:19 PMI guess for me, a friend is someone I spend time with, through conversations, activities, etc. Plus, to me a friend is someone who shares a history with you, beyond theose first get-to-know-you encounters.
An acquantaince is someone with whom I may spend time, but only because I'm either networking or that person came with to an event a friend of mine and we started chatting, etc. There's no real shared history, so until there is, an acquaintance they'll remain.
By AmandaPan23 , Posted June 28, 2007 2:37 PMI have a really high standard for friends. It has to be a two-way street for me to invest time, energy and emotion in them. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't deserve your attention!
By Megan , Posted June 28, 2007 2:53 PMI would say that my true friends have a high standard to meet...the whole two-way street thing, but I have lots of acquaintances/casual friends that we only see once in a while. I'm okay with that...means there's always someone to talk to wherever we end up.
By Missy , Posted June 28, 2007 3:34 PMI agree with the above poster- a friend is someone that I share history and emotional attachment with.
Belgian Beer Pong--now that brings friendship to a whole different level.
By taplastapas , Posted June 28, 2007 3:43 PMSo studies have shown that we have fewer friends? I wonder how much of that has to do with email, text messages, caller ID, and online gaming. Perhaps the lack of a human voice, or even the lessening of face- to-face encounters (how often do you email someone who sits only 20 feet away in your office)lessens the opportunities to bond with people.
I'm guilty of all these things myself, and remember back in the early 90's when it seemed like I had more people in the office that I'd consider "friends".
By Allen Q. , Posted June 28, 2007 4:34 PMI used to think of anyone who was willing to spend time with me as a friend. I never stopped to consider whether I liked or even trusted these people. Inevitably, I eventually got screwed over, and realized that none of the people I considered friends actually fit that definition. I still value the opportunity to spend time with people I don't know well, but for someone to be a real friend I have to really trust that they would have my back if I needed them to. A friend is someone I would trust with my deepest secrets, not just somebody I'd go out for Cosmos with.
By Sarah C. , Posted September 12, 2007 3:56 PM