People: Well That Was Fast, Paris

» DIAGNOSIS: 'I-DON'T-LIKE-JAIL-ITIS': How shocking. After serving five days in jail, Paris Hilton has been released, with orders to serve out the 40 remaining days of her sentence under house arrest due to an unspecified medical condition. Uh huh. (Hear the mouthpiece here). Man, house arrest at a shack like this must be pretty traumatic. [Yahoo News; TMZ]

» MILLIONS OF MEN SIMULTANEOUSLY ASK, 'WHEN?' Oh Angelina saying these like, "Get naked with me, and I'll talk!" is bound to get your male fan base all riled up. [US Magazine]

» BOLLYWOOD AND TYSON? NO GOOD: Ah, the craziness that is Mike Tyson these days (ya know, ear-biting aside). Now he's thinking he could be a Bollywood star. Umm ... Mikey, dear, are you forgetting your horrible rendition of 'Monster Mash' with Bobby Brown? [Guzer; iFilm; Yahoo News]

File photo of an unhappy Paris by Toby Canham/Getty Images