GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

I am a 25-year-old professional woman who's highly educated and who my friends say is very attractive, funny, etc. I am also divorced. It seems that the last point stops dates dead in their tracks. I know in D.C. it's not common for someone to be divorced at my age; in fact, many guys still seem to live with their parents. I got married to my college sweetheart too soon, and it did not last long. But I sometimes feel that mistake cost me so much. I hate meeting someone who seems awesome, then, when we get to the divorce part, he treats me like trailer trash. I now don't bring it up until several weeks into a relationship, but that does not go over well either. — NOT WHO THEY THINK

We all have things about ourselves that we are better off to keep from flaunting during our first — or even fifth — dates. (My "Elvis is alive" phase, anyone?) But being evasive about something significant can also make one seem defensive. You are divorced — it's a fact and part of who you are — and it doesn't have to appear in the same sentence as "trailer trash" unless you let it. By trying to separate yourself so much from the millions of others who share your status, I wonder whether you're making your issue even bigger.

I do see your frustration — there's a piece of your image that feels at odds with the person you truly believe yourself to be. But many of us, from trust fund babies to former strippers to guys named Egbert, have this problem, and that's why we must find people who want to know the real us instead of the boxes we check on the forms at the dentist's office. If you can bring yourself to be patient, you'll see that you have an advantageous screening test. Those who will judge early will judge early, no matter what you do about it — but you can bypass them to get to those who want the showing of the real you.

My sister has been diagnosed as bipolar. This did not come as a surprise to any of our family after her turbulent (to say the least) teen years. But as I've researched the illness, I'm recognizing things in myself that remind me of the symptoms. I'm wondering whether this is a normal concern to have because I'm so in the middle of my sister's diagnosis right now, or whether there's a possibility I should get checked out. — CONCERNED IN ARLINGTON

As any medical student knows and every horoscope reader illustrates, it's indeed easy to start recognizing phantom characteristics in yourself when you're reading about them.

But it also sometimes takes seeing someone else diagnosed with a disorder in order to acknowledge similar issues within ourselves. If you're concerned, there's no harm in talking to a trusted doctor or even having an assessment session with a psychologist.

My gut says that if you've never experienced any disruption in your daily life because of these symptoms, chances are there's not much to be concerned about. But any time you have a family member who's had significant psychological problems, it can be helpful to talk to someone, not just to clear your mind about your own health, but to get some support in dealing with that family member as well.

Talk back to Dr. Andrea by leaving a comment below. To ask a question for Baggage Check in the Express print edition, e-mail baggage@readexpress.com or submit an anonymous question here.

Art by Eric Reece for Express

Posted by Andrea at 12:02 AM on April 22, 2008
Tagged in Baggage Check , Fit , Lifestyles , Top Columns