Express' Karmah Elmusa takes you out to the "Top Chef" tailgate.

WELL, FOLKS, I WAS WRONG. For the first time this season, my powers of prediction failed to pick the week's loser.

We'll save who went home for the end of the post, but it wasn't Spike, on whom I had bet all my money. The hat-clad master of sass is still amongst us. No matter — he brought the ignorant comments like never before, so he still served his primary purpose.

Now that I've vented, on to the episode. This week, "Top Chef Chicago" truly lived up to its name. It got in touch with the heart of the city by paying a visit to Soldier Field and Da Bears. With football fans passing judgment and Tom looking slightly miserable in a jersey, the chefs grilled to impress. Keep reading to see who rocked it, who got in the bath together and who has clearly never been to tailgate before.

QUICKFIRE
The chefs are off to an angst-ridden start this week. Jen's feeling tense about the loss of her partner, Zoi, Dale and Lisa put their hatred for each other out in the open, and perhaps I mentioned this, but Spike is still around. And proud of it: "I feel like [expletive]. A lot of people think I shoulda gone home, but that's bull[expletive], cuz I'm a powerful dude." I guess he knows that power lies in numbers (of ridiculous looking hats).

After this solid pre-kitchen complaint session, it's down to business. Padma introduces the quickfire judge: Koren Grieveson, the chef de cuisine at Avec Restaurant in Chicago. Then, she introduces us to the good stuff — 16 frothy pitchers of beer. The challenge: Each cheftestant blind-taste-tests three beers, picks one, and then makes a dish they think will pair well with it.

Jen wisely directs her anger over Zoi's departure into pairing a shrimp and scallop beignet with an island beer — and earns her first win (and immunity) of the season. Sometimes there's nothing like a li'l heartache to get a girl motivated.

The judges also look favorably upon Stephanie for her mussels and Richard with a grilled tuna sandwich. Their least favorites: Nikki (who I can now safely say is a perpetual bottom feeder), my boy Spike and Dale (to which his bestie Lisa says, "Good, bitch, have fun at the bottom.") Such a playful bunch!

ELIMINATION CHALLENGE
This week, I'm assigning bonus points to whichever producer decided to let the Team Challenge thing die for at least one episode. Enough of that working together; let's see what these kids can do when they're out there in the cold, steel kitchen on their own. Or, in front of the grill.

This week's challenge: Cook for a tailgate at Soldier Field ahead of a Chicago Bears football game. They've got a $350 budget, 30 minutes to shop, 2 hours to prep and then, it's game time. It goes without saying that if there are two things Chicagoans are deeply invested in, it's food and the Bears. Messing with either passion puts our chefs in danger of the dreaded knife-packing.

Oh, I'm sorry! I got so caught up thinking about the food, the challenge and all that ballyhoo, that I completely forgot about the bath! You heard me: On the eve of the tailgate, after stressful prep work, Spike and Mark decide to unwind by dipping their feet into a bubble bath whilst sipping champagne.

Antonia correctly labels the scene something out of a "cheap porn," but Spike and his hats are secure. "I'm totally comfortable with my sexuality, and if I want to get in a bathtub with the coolest guy in the house, I'm going to get in the bathtub with Mark." Totally, bra. Do what you gotta do.

But I digress. The food. Here's a quick breakdown of how they handle the pressure of Bears fans with an appetite (many of whom are amusingly similar to the stereotype perpetuated in this well-known sketch) :

» Spike: Jicama pineapple slaw and fiery wings. (Wings at a sporting event = never a bad idea).
» Stephanie: Grilled pork tenderloin with a rosemary vinaigrette. (Loved by most, except one morbidly obese man who "would like it better if it were sprinkled with bacon").
» Ryan: Panzanella (bread salad) topped with chicken, followed by roasted peaches with creme fraiche and huckleberry sauce, and some sort of crazy cocktail (Ryan admits he's not a sports fan. You don't say!).
» Nikki: Sausage and pepper sandwiches, and two random shrimp (Runs out of peppers and onions before the judges taste. Store-bought sausage. What's with the shrimp? The list goes on).
» Jen: Chicken souvlaki and a quinoa taboule. (Bears fan: "Quinoa taboule. Is that safe?").
» Dale: Tandoori rubbed ribs. (Ribs at a sporting event = never a bad idea).
» Antonia: Jamaican jerk chicken sandwiches with pickled onion and banana. (Tom continually mentions how brilliant he is for putting his onions and banana ON the sandwich).
» Mark: Chicken skewers and corn chowder. (Mark eats from a spoon and puts it back in the soup. Not his finest hour).
» Lisa: Skirt steak. (William "Refrigerator" Perry's favorite. Enough said.).
» Andrew: Shrimp with apple chutney, a parsnip puree and bacon (Andrew wears a football helmet during the food service. The odd get odder).
» Richard: Pate melt. (Richard's upscale twist on the patty melt. Hardy har har).

JUDGE'S TABLE
This week's guest judge is Paul Kahan, owner of Avec Restaurant. The lineup is Kahan, Padma, Tom and the ever-blunt Gail Simmons. While the fans' votes dictate who is in the top and bottom three, the judges have the final say.

First called in are Dale, Antonia and Stephanie. And there you have it, folks — this week's top three. Here, Stephanie establishes herself as one of the most consistent competitors in "Top Chef" history; this chick is a constant favorite. But, for wow factor, the win goes to Dale's tandoori ribs — and fittingly, so does a super sweet looking grill.

Now, on to what really interests everyone: the losers. The bottom three are called in for questioning, and they are: double-dipping Mark, sausage-purchasing Nikki and fancy shmancy Ryan. Offensive moves on all counts. After a severe verbal bashing from Tom, and just when we're sure that Mark or Nikki are due to depart, Padma asks Ryan to pack his knives and go. Slightly shocking, considering how poorly Nikki has been performing overall, but then, one thinks: is there anything less tailgate-appropriate than poached peaches with creme fraiche and huckleberry sauce?

Dale's Most Insincere Apology of the Week:
"I'm sorry for approaching Lisa that way. What I'm not going to apologize for is how her personality rubs me the wrong way."

Lisa's Appropriate Response of the Week:
"Dale can go [expletive] himself as far as I'm concerned."

Padma's "I May or May Not Know About Food" Comment of the Week:
"They don' taste greasy. Don't you agree?"

Spike's Most Wildly Inappropriate Comment of the Week:
"I'm sure Jen feels on top of the world [for winning the quickfire] after Zoi got voted off last week. Like, yay lesbians, here we go!"

Spike's Compliment to Mark of the Week:
"Mark's going to be a good friend for a long time. He's got curly hair and he's a cool-looking dude."

Andrew's Comment of the Week:
"Cooking's my sport. You know what I mean. And I'm in it to win it."

Comments of the Week That Defy Categorization:
» Lisa: I'm there with my rolling pin, just beating my meat.
» Mark: We're given a choice of two grills. And I am the only one with the testicular fortitude to pick the real grill. The charcoal grill.

Posted by Karmah Elmusa at 2:33 AM on April 17, 2008
Tagged in Entertainment , Hail to the Chef , Television , Top Columns