GOT ISSUES? Dr. Andrea Bonior will help you sort them out.

My dad is my best friend. Ever since he got married for the second time, his new wife and I have always clashed (she secretly hates me, and I know it). My father mentioned recently that he is coming soon to visit me, and I know she is going to be with him. How do I act all cool around him while trying not to lose it around her? (I feel that I have to fight for his attention now that she's around.)
— ME VERSUS HER

Anytime someone claims that "she secretly hates me," I have to wonder whether he or she got his or her pronouns mixed up. Let's be honest — you are not a fan of your father's wife. That's no sin, but you first have to step back and examine whether you're being a bit defensive. It's understandable that when your parent (especially your best friend) marries someone who sits as well with you as last week's kimchi, things can get a little painful. But don't make things worse for yourself by exaggerating her offenses, therefore amplifying your upset. In fact, since your father decided to marry her, there has to be more to this story than the fact that she's simply a hagbeast.

If you are truly as close to your father as it seems, I can't imagine a better option than trying to talk to him about your discomfort. This is not an excuse to bash who he's chosen to spend his life with, but it should be an opportunity for you to tell him that you feel like you're having a hard time connecting with her, and that indeed you don't like feeling like you have to fight for his attention. This honesty has the potential to provide much more relief than just biting your lip as you imagine spraying the vinaigrette into her eyes. If your dad can affirm your place in his heart, you can try to start fresh with his wife, even if she still is as appealing as a snakeskin sandwich.

I work at a decent job doing bottom-of-the-barrel work. I love it there, but a private matter in March forced me to be tardy the days I was scheduled to work. I told my boss, who was OK with it, as I have been on time ever since. But when the schedules came out, for the eighth time in a row, everyone got hours except me. I was baffled. I had been working my butt off there since last year, and now I fear that my bosses want to get rid of me. How do I convince them that I won't go back on my past mistakes and will be a good employee for the company?
— NO LONGER TARDY

In two ways — by telling and by doing. Continue, of course, being on time — now's not the time to flirt with your snooze alarm — but you probably should have an additional talk with your boss. You thought he or she was "OK" with what happened before, but it appears that he or she wasn't, and he or she needs to hear your appeal. You can avoid coming off as whiny by focusing not on what the schedules say but more generally on your concern that there are some lingering effects of what happened in March. Emphasize that you are prepared to make up for your past mistakes by working harder than ever and that you hope that your work since then has already begun to reflect that. Then go back to Step 1 and work that butt off again.

Art by Eric Reece for Express

Posted by Andrea at 12:01 AM on May 6, 2008
Tagged in Baggage Check , Fit , Lifestyles , Top Columns