Express' Greg Barber recaps Brooke White's final bow on "American Idol."

TUESDAY NIGHT'S broadcast sped by at such a breakneck pace that the lollygagging speed of a results show seems almost refreshing by comparison. With 45 million votes cast, though, it seems the fleetness of fans' fingers might rival the speediness of the program itself.

That episode — and the music of this week's mentor, Neil Diamond — isn't allowed to stray far from our minds. Just seconds past the opening credits, we're spun almost instantly into this week's group sing.

The Idolites start with "Cracklin' Rosie" and Jason Castro, who croaks at first with a frogginess that makes it sound like he just rolled out of bed before the show. Then, it's on to "Song Sung Blue" and ... geez, does it seem like the whole thing falls apart? The singing is off-pace, the dancing is off-beat and everybody just sounds terrible. (Watch here.)

It finally pulls together with "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" — although Li'l David Archuleta sounds terribly out of place singing it. When David Cook takes the lead vocals for the song's spoken-word preacher section, though, all finally sounds right. And then it's over.

I'd forgotten how awkward these group sings can get when the cast dwindles. The harmonies aren't quite so harmonious, especially since the remaining contestants can — and in this season's case, do — sound very, very different from each other. And not necessarily complimentary.

THE PAULA QUESTION
Seacrest addresses a topic that many "Idol" watchers had on their minds after Tuesday night: What was up with Paula?

Anyone who watched remembers that when the judges were asked to quickly batch critique the contestants' first performances, Paula became visibly flustered and launched into her opinion on Jason's two songs. Problem was, he'd only sung one. (Watch here.)

The blogosphere went nuts.

There were rumors that she was drunk or high or on cat tranquilizers or artificially zonked in some way. Some claimed the show was fixed. Still others said that Paula's pre-emptive comments caused those who review the show — yours truly included — to pan Jason just because Paula had done so.

Seriously, people. If you've watched this show once, you've likely realized how very special a snowflake Paula is. I don't think she's drunk. She's just quirky. And in the Picasso painting that is her mind, maybe she thought Jason did sing two songs. Or she looked at her notes for David Cook, who was the next performer, and superimposed the two. Or she watched the dress rehearsal and conflated those performances. (That's what she told Seacrest on his Los Angeles radio show on Wednesday, according to Entertainment Weekly.)

And the whole argument being floated that Paula unfairly tipped critics against Jason is really strange, since all of the voters (and reviewers) always hear from all of the judges before they're able to make their selection. Would Paula — whose "critiques" are often empty bits of puffery anyway — sway the voting or reviewing public any more than usual simply because her jumbled ramblings were mistakenly uttered before a song was sung? I really doubt it.

The question all over YouTube Wednesday night is "Is 'American Idol' scripted?" It would take a far keener sleuth than I to give that question an unequivocal answer, but I really kinda don't think so. I mean, who the hell would have intentionally created Sanjaya?

Here's Seacrest's take:

One thing before we move on. Last night, the judges were thrown a curve ball on the air, which is just part of a live show. But it sparked a lot of gossip about Paula. I read some of this online this morning. Just for the record, the rumors? They're not true. She's part of our family. And we love her. And I think Simon still wants to hook up with her.

Paula even gets a little teary. Poor gal. That whole thing must've made her feel colossally dumb.

ELIMINATIONS, PART 1
Jason Castro's the first one out. Seacrest asks him about the criticism he got from Simon, who said that he hasn't seemed lately like the Jason who joined the competition. And he actually says something pretty astute, if slightly ungrammatical: "I realized the weeks I've gotten good criticism are either songs that I really new or that I really changed. And I know I didn't do that last night. I didn't know any of the songs, and I didn't change them."

Seacrest lets him stew for a bit, but then he's led to the Sofa of Safety. I thought that might happen. Simon panned him so hard last night that his fans likely voted in droves to keep those blue eyes staring back at them from their TV screens.

He doesn't deserve safety, you understand. He's more or less coasting at this point. But those young fans of his are a powerful voting block; they text with the might of a digital Zeus.

Brooke and Syesha must be feeling pretty well sunk.

Li'l David is next. The judges loved his performances. I thought singing "America" was a hokey bunch or horse manure, but those who were his fans already likely loved it and some who weren't his fans probably jumped on his bandwagon because of it.

Paula reasserts her point from Tuesday that David needs to show that he's having more fun on stage. He gives lip service to the idea — licking lip service? — but it doesn't seem to sink in.

She's right. At points, he can look like a Chuck E. Cheese animatron up there. He's gotta loosen up a bit.

Oh, yeah — he's safe. As if anyone thought anything else would happen. Except David himself? He mouths, "Oh my God," when Seacrest reveals his fate. I'd like to not react to that cynically. But with moves like what he pulled with "America," I'm finding it harder and harder to believe the aw-shucks-li'l-nice-guy routine isn't kind of a bunch of hooey.

ELIMINATIONS, PART 2
After a promo for "So You Think You Can Dance" — which starts, conveniently enough, the day after "Idol" ends — we get an ad for Coke disguised as an art project won by some guy in North Dakota. Congratulations, dude. You've been utterly commercialized. Don't bother trying to shower to make that scuzzy feeling go away. It doesn't wash off.

David Cook takes the stage next. As if he's actually in jeopardy. He's not. Which leaves Brooke and Syesha. They take the stage next.

Are song choices tough to make, Seacrest asks Syesha. "Yeah, they are. Sometimes I find myself the day of rehearsal, I'm like, 'Oh my gosh, I don't know what to sing,'" she says. "I've found it a little bit difficult."

Simon called Brooke's performance of "I'm a Believer" on Tuesday a "nightmare" — believe me, it was — so Seacrest asks how she was able to come back from that.

"I genuinely had a good time," she says. "I'm happy to be here. Finally last night I just kicked into that happy, grateful mode. That was it."

He sends them to the Sofa of Safety to watch the evening's performances. "We'll stay as long as we can," Brooke says as she walks.

She should be funny more often.

BORE US, NATASHA
I could be aging myself here, but my first thought when I laid eyes on Natasha Bedingfield is that she looks like a young Marianne Faithfull. And her keyboard player kind of resembles Duran Duran's Simon LeBon from about 20 years ago. Weird. Maybe they're some kind of "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" band made up of stars plucked from different points in history.

Or maybe not.

Her song's OK. I like the rapid-fire lyrics, but the punchy parts sound unattractively shouty. If pop music ever fails her, she could always go into yodeling. (Watch here.)

My favorite part of her performance, though, is when she scampers over to the Sofa of Safety to plant a kiss on a very ill-at-ease-looking Li'l David. Seacrest asks her to prom for him. He blushes. She sounds almost serious when she says she'll go.

BOREDOM CALLING
Ah, the most painful part of a results show. The producers didn't schedule one of these segments last week, which raised my hopes that they'd canned it. Not so much.

Here's a time-saving summary.

» Q) Why is Paula the only judge who gives the contestants a break.
» A) Because she wants to keep their dreams alive.

» Q) Will Paula do another music video with Randy soon?
» A) "Especially when Randy becomes an animated cat," Paula says.

Everybody's a comedian tonight.

» Q) Simon: I kissed you in the garden when you were 9. [Ew.] Was it better kissing Paula?
» A) He doesn't answer, but his exchange with the caller, who actually apparently was his first crush, is actually interesting to listen to. But not terribly informative.

NATURAL ONES
It's the Ford entertainmercial! The song: "Catch the Wind" by Donovan. The plot: The Idolites drive a hybrid. So everywhere they walk outside, and in every studio that they lip sync poorly, all things natural swell from ravaged to blooming. It's like each one is a Ford-loving Johnny Appleseed. (Watch here.)

Unfortunately, that short drive around the corner cost them $20. Damned gas prices.

DIAMOND, UNTARNISHED
Neil Diamond takes the stage next to sing "Pretty Amazing Grace," a song off his new album, "Home Before Dark."

It's not a song I know, but it's easily recognizable as a Neil Diamond song. It has all the component parts: staccato verses, wordplay, a little innuendo and that macho bombast that hasn't faded with age, even if that disc-jockey-meets-carnival-barker voice of his has ever so slightly. He's traded in the sequins and fringe for Johnny Cash leather, but he's still the Neil Diamond I saw on my parents' Betamax concert tapes as a kid. (Watch here.)

And his mom is actually in the audience!

What's the key to his longevity? "Hard work, love what you do and a lot of luck."

And his advice to the Idolites: "Stay with it. If you love it, stay with it. Don't listen to what Simon says." Paula takes to her feet on that one. "And just keep doing it. If you love it, don't stop ever, ever, ever."

Apparently there's a bit of a history between Simon and Neil? This, I want to know more about.

FALSE STOP
Final elimination time. Syesha and Brooke take the stage once again. And it's a quick execution. The head rolling: Brooke's.

She begins sobbing. And she still is, even after her farewell video. She gives a thank you to the audience, then starts singing "I Am I Said." And just for old time's sake, she false starts, but has to pick up the song mid-stream rather than from the top. (Watch here.)

Her fellow contestants come up on stage for moral support, which seems to help a little — until she finally just gives up and walks to the back of the stage. And then she's gone.

I thought tonight would be Syesha's last night, but I'm pleased to say that I was wrong. It turns out that "Idol" reverse psychology ruled the day: Simon panned Jason and Syesha, so fans rallied to save them; he didn't blast Brooke, so she suffered.

Too bad we're down to four contestants now — the point when nearly all logic goes out the window when it comes to voting. And Paula. But mostly voting.

I'm not surprised to see Brooke go. She's made some boneheaded song choices in recent weeks — "I'm a Believer," "You Must Love Me," etc. — that drew flak from the judges. But it's the personality quirks of her on-stage persona that grated most on this viewer. The pouting and talkativeness during the judges critiques were one thing, but Brooke started projecting an artificiality, almost a kind of emotional condescension, during her performances in the second half of the season that I didn't detect as much during the first half.

I'm not sure whether that's part of her actual personality or an ill-advised bit of theater designed for the stage, but it really turned me off to her music. Is it possible to thrive in the music business while projecting a not-so-likable personality when you're not singing? Of course. And Brooke made it pretty far in this competition, warts and all. But finding a sound that fits her best and an easy way of relating with an audience that doesn't seem forced would definitely help her toward establishing a post-"Idol" career.

Good luck with that.

So here's an interesting bit of trivia with a twist: Syesha had previously been in the bottom two or three a total of five times. This week could have been her sixth, which would have made her the "Idol" contestant who dropped near the bottom of the pack the most times without being voted off.

But when I went to check my facts with Wikipedia, I saw that the detail sticklers there had made a good point: Seacrest never referred to Brooke and Syesha as part of the "bottom two"; Syesha just happened to be the final person told she was safe.

Curious, eh? Kinda makes me wonder who was second-to-last. And why the "Idol" producers don't want us to know.

Have at that, conspiracy theorists.

In any case, with only four contestants remaining, even the untouchable Davids are in jeopardy of winding up facing elimination. Can Syesha outlast Jason? And can either of them pull off an upset and uproot a David? We'll have to see what next week brings.

» NEXT WEEK: The theme is songs that shaped and inspired rock 'n' roll, a broad topic that leaves either ample room for the Idolites to shine or an overabundance of rope with which to hang themselves. In any case, it should be a heck of a show.

I'll have a preview Tuesday, a recap Wednesday morning, a live chat at 11 a.m. Wednesday and an elimination report on Thursday, all here at readexpress.com/idol.

Until then, what did you think about tonight's results? Was it time for Brooke to go? How will Jason and Syesha fare from here? Should the Davids be worried? Chip in your thoughts in the comments section below.

Photos courtesy Fox

Posted by Greg Barber at 2:08 AM on May 1, 2008
Tagged in Entertainment , Idol Chatter , Television , Top Columns