Express' Karmah Elmusa separates the chefs from the tattle tales on "Top Chef Chicago."

BEFORE I COMMENCE this week's tasty recap, I have to let my faithful readers (hi, Mom and Dad!) know that I recently took the advice of our New Zealander chef Mark and watched "Bad Boy Bubby." During the movie challenge, Mark mentioned this flick at least 45 different times, and expressed utter shock that his teammate had not seen it. Well, Mark, I would just like to say, you are a sick, sick man. Major themes in the film include incest, death by plastic wrap, decomposing cats, homophobia and mental illness. I'm still recovering.

Moving on! This week on "Top Chef Chicago," it was all about keeping things healthy. Oh, and about screwing your competitors over. The cheftestants tried to steer Chicago's cops away from the burgers and Moco-choco-fatty-latas, all while attempting to sabotage each other (or make wild accusations of sabotage). Impressive! Read on for nutritional tips from Andrew and to find out why Lisa is reminiscent of a fourth grader (other than her haircut).

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: To Your Health" »

Express' Karmah Elmusa recaps what the bride and groom ate on "Top Chef."

THIS WEEK, the end stages of "Top Chef Chicago" began — the fat (in the form of mediocre cooks) has officially been skimmed. The nice, even number of eight — four men and four women (more ladies left at this stage than in seasons past) — made for the perfect opportunity to pit teams against each other in the most cutthroat (ha) "Top Chef" Challenge ever.

Cutting (ha) to the chase: the elimination challenge was titled Wedding Wars. As in, nuptials, the joining of soul mates, the most important day of a couple's life, etc. A real couple ... or a couple of good sports. Oh, and I should mention that along with the pressure applied to our chefs to pull off this task, there is also no time allotted for sleeping. Read on for a recap of the beautiful, inevitably tense, moments starring our stressy, exhausted, egomaniacal (if strangely lovable) bunch.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: His and Hers" »

Express' Karmah Elmusa recaps kid-friendly fun on "Top Chef."

THIS WEEK on "Top Chef Chicago," it was all about the family. Not the family of Tom and Padma McJudgerson and their love children, Ted and Gail, but your everyday, pressed-for-money-and-time American family. To illustrate the theme, Bravo even thought to supply kids in floppy white hats to play sous chef, and had their peers serve as the audience.

Perhaps it was all the small people around, but our chefs were on their very best behavior this week -- they checked the four-letter words, pointless feuding and molecular gastronomy at the door. However boring that might sound, it's time you took a chance on some fine family fun. And for those of you who need a li'l drama, keep reading. Someone cried, someone got sent home and someone said the b word. But not the b word you're thinking of.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: Served Family-Style" »

Express' Arion Berger recaps an improv-erific episode of "Top Chef."

AH, CHICAGO. FAMOUS for its strong Eastern-European community, its log-shaped, ground-meat products and beer. So, who feels like Mexican?

Last week: Jen rocked the beer-pairing challenge (for Zoi, whose unseen presence is cited so many times I briefly wonder whether she was asked to pack her knives and go or got run over by a produce truck) and Ryan fumbled a peachgusting fancy-pants tailgating menu — in front of William "The Refrigerator" Perry, no less.

Only 10 remain in Hell's Kitchen.

Sorry, wrong show.

This is the point at which we have few enough contestants that the attentive viewer can name all the faces, although I'm still not convinced skinny, bearded, trash-talking walking ego Andrew is not the same man as skinny, bearded, trash-talking walking ego Spike. He just crushes an ugly hat on his head and gives the same interview. Tell me a sarcastic "Yay, lesbians" and a sarcastic "Ryan prettyboy left — waah" aren't the work of the same excellent mind.

Quickfire Challenge
Padma introduces the cheftestants to award-winning pastry chef Smirky McBetterthingstodo, aka Johnny Iuzzini and his suit coat and wallet chain. The sloppy chefs fear that their pinch-of-this improvisations won't work when applied to the fine chemistry of dessert-making, which is sort of true and sort of not. Baking is a chemistry, arranging sweetened fruit and cream and whatever on a platter is not. They have only 90 minutes to whip up a yummy sugar-bomb for the chance to appear in the Top Chef cookbook — wha? — so it's a fair bet they won't be making mille-feuille. "You have to measure," Lisa moans. Big babies.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: Sweet Surprises" »

Express' Karmah Elmusa takes you out to the "Top Chef" tailgate.

WELL, FOLKS, I WAS WRONG. For the first time this season, my powers of prediction failed to pick the week's loser.

We'll save who went home for the end of the post, but it wasn't Spike, on whom I had bet all my money. The hat-clad master of sass is still amongst us. No matter — he brought the ignorant comments like never before, so he still served his primary purpose.

Now that I've vented, on to the episode. This week, "Top Chef Chicago" truly lived up to its name. It got in touch with the heart of the city by paying a visit to Soldier Field and Da Bears. With football fans passing judgment and Tom looking slightly miserable in a jersey, the chefs grilled to impress. Keep reading to see who rocked it, who got in the bath together and who has clearly never been to tailgate before.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: Beers, Bears and BBQ" »

Express' Karmah Elmusa brings you earth, wind, water, fire and drama.

I WAS AMPED while preparing to write this blog entry because this week's guest judge has been abrasive, and, well, overly judgmental in his past appearances on "Top Chef." And what serves a blogger's purposes better than an over-the-top guest star?

Egos ran rampant this week, but Ming Tsai, owner of Blue Ginger in Boston, was as mellow as we've seen him.

Instead, we saw two difficult personalities collide when Dale and Lisa were paired together. We saw Spike butt heads with, oh, everyone. We saw the wrath of Jen. We saw mushy salmon, flavorless carpaccio and one delectably spicy prawn. Read on for the juicy details on the drama, the dishes and to find out which habitual whiner packed their knives and left.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: Bacon and Egos" »

Express' Karmah Elmusa dissects an episode of cinematic proportions.

JUST AS I was about to write off this season's chefs as an inept bunch of drama-hungry impostors, they start to really cook. After last week's soggy corn dog block party debacle, the chefs needed to regain the faith of their followers with some haute cuisine, plain and simple.

Bravo thankfully set them up with challenges that called for serious skills, and under the watchful, tres French eye of guest-judge Daniel Boulud, they brought their A game. There was oompa loompa Andrew, there was "Bad Boy Bubby," but most importantly, there was gastronomic perfection. Shelve the street food for a few days, foodies; this week it's gourmet all the way, with a cinematic twist.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: Movie Snacks" »

Express' Karmah Elmusa deconstructs a less-than-perfect pantry raid on "Top Chef."

HERE I STAND, poised to dive head-first into the boiling water after three eliminations on "Top Chef Chicago" — or in what I like to refer to as the fat-skimming phase. The first few weeks of this season, like all the others, have been about dropping the dead weight, or those "cheftestants" who got their spots by what can only have been a casting error.

To review: Week one, we said goodbye to the quiet, passive line-cook Nimma and her Padma-offending shrimp scampi (which she salted to distaste while her more worthy competitors presented dishes like crab cake with smoked ras el hanout and duck a l'orange of the Asian persuasion). During week two, black olive blinis sent Valerie (aka Rachel Dratch's long-lost twin) and her knives packing. Let's face it, not only were they pre-made (tut tut), but according to a random dude in the crowd, they tasted "a little bit like dirt." Rookie mistakes on both counts, but as the excess falls by the wayside, the cream of the drama and talent is sure to rise.

In this, the third week, guest-judge Rick Bayless demanded a fine-dining twist on the taco, the chefs pillaged the good people of Chicago and finally, a large chunk of residual fat was skimmed off and sent home as punishment for the ultimate block party faux pas: mushy corn dogs.

Continue Reading "Hail to the Chef: The Pillaging of Chicago" »